Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans?

Okay ... skinny jeans may be hoping for too much! I'd settle for some mom jeans! Anyway ... it seems that all across blogdom people are realizing that swimsuit weather is coming on quick and it's time to put down the oreos and pick up the hand weights! I've been blog hopping a whole new group of blogs today as I joined a blogging A to Z challenge and I found many bloggers wanting to find inspiration to drop a few ( and some of us a few hundred) pounds. Then I came home to my usual crop of favorite blogs and found that Shortmama is putting together this cute little support group and I decided to join on in! Now if I can just get OUT of the recliner and into the pool or onto the recumbent bike!

One step at a time! Here I come!

Just Sayin'

Spending the day sitting in a recliner with a pillow and a laptop in my lap was a lot more fun in the 60s than it is in the 80s! (Temperature not decade)

Owie owie owie

I do not think that I overdid it in any way shape or means today but dad blast it my knee thinks otherwise! I am NOT a happy camper!

Baby Steps

You can be impressed!

I dragged myself out of my recliner and into the shower. No ... it's not the first shower I have taken since surgery but it's still impressive. The only shower we have is in the tub and getting into the tub is a challenge since my knee doesn't care to bend. I won't do it when I'm home alone because I don't care to have an "I've fallen and I can't get up" moment! Especially since I don't have one of those nifty little medic alert devices strapped around my neck! Even if I did ... I'd have to be in really serious trouble before the idea of having paramedics come rescue my wet naked body from the confines of a plastic shower curtain and a soaking wet floor me had much appeal!

After the shower I dressed (trust me this is a good thing) and started some laundry. Then I decided that in keeping with the baby steps theme I needed to at least clean off and organize the surface of my desk. Now I will confess to you that chore was largely confined to turning one of those Office Depot file boxes from a flat piece of cardboard to a useful container and then moving every piece of paper from the surface of my desk to that now waiting box! But ... all the papers are in one place and the surface of my desk is clean! Maybe for tomorrow's baby step I will sort my assorted collections of paper into usable piles of information so I can then commence entering data into Quicken for the first time in a year - blush! And I pulled my Census form out from the midst of the chaos and brought it with me to my recliner so that I can fill it out sometime between now and the looming deadline. April 1st? Did I mention my gift for procrastination?

At that point I was inclined to think that I had done quite enough work for today. (I am an invalid after all!) So I hobbled back to my cozy recliner and fought with some super stickies. (Image files and I do not always have a good relationship! I tell them where to go and they tell me to stick it that they will go where they like! I'm usually the one to surrender!) About the time I was waving the white flag of surrender and publishing a post the way it was rather than the way I wanted it to be ... the TV changed channels from the middle of a 48 Hours episode about a mother trying to retrieve her kidnapped child on ID (DISH Channel 192) to The Virginian on the Western Channel. My husband watches westerns. I do not! And now I will never know whether she gets her child back! I'll just have to hope for the best. So after I growled for a minute ... I hauled myself back out of my chair and out to the kitchen where I tackled a considerable mountain of dirty dishes.

So I have a clean desktop, clean clothes, a clean body, clean hair, and a clean kitchen. Must be a sign of a cluttered mind!

Stick 'Em Up Tuesday

Monday

Yes, hubby went grocery shopping. He even got most of what was on the list. Including key lime pie and oreos! :) He didn't get rainbow sherbet because Josiah had picked up some ice cream Saturday night. Silly man! Cookies and Cream, or Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, is not the same thing as Rainbow Sherbet! Oh well! He did good so I'll cut him some slack!

I called both the surgery center and the surgeon's nurse today to make sure that my progress, or lack thereof, is normal. They said that it is completely normal and that I should not be waiting until I'm in pain to take pain meds yet. I understand but the choice between living in pain and living in fog doesn't leave any good choices! Oh well. They also said ice on ice off. (I feel like the karate kid!) And elevate! As in foot above my head! Now doesn't that create a cute mental picture!!! I'll leave you to it! I am propping it higher and will do the above my head thing periodically but doing so full time would make blogging pretty darned impossible!

I also MUST pull together my wayward and woefully disorganized financial records in order to turn them in to the accountant. April 15th comes at the same time every year and every year I dread it and procrastinate facing it. I am just not motivated to deal with this at all. But get done it must and time is running out! Doing it while weepy does not sound like a good plan though so I'm putting it off at least a few more days.

My little temperature gauge on my laptop says that the temperature in Tulsa today is 64 degrees! Yay Spring! I opened the front door and turned on the ceiling fan to encourage some fresh air and breezes. Hopefully I'm not also bringing in vast amounts of pollen!

Time to make one more run to the rest room and then I need to browse your blogs and find some humor and leave some love. Until later ...

A Poem for Sunday

A quiet and lazy day
I've nothing much to say
I'm munching on snacks
My conscience yells "ACK!"
But the munching goes on anyway

Not That I'm Questioning The Almighty

But doesn't it seem that knee surgery and allergies were enough? Did I really have to be "blessed" with a urinary tract infection as well? It really is not at all convenient as each and every hobble from chair or bed to bathroom and back again is quite the painful experience. Oh well ... I suppose it is encouraging some movement of my knee which I might otherwise be tempted to sit and let "freeze up." And it is undoubtedly my own fault for picking my Coke Zero addiction back up where I dropped it off rather than enjoying the more healthy water option. Whatever ... I am not entirely enjoying my life at the moment!

Hubby has not made it to the grocery store yet so food options are a bit limited. Plus nothing really sounds too good. I could graze through the pasta and Chinese leftovers that are taking up refrigerator space but neither is tempting my taste buds! I snacked through a package of graham crackers earlier. Then a bit ago I scrounged through the cabinets and came away with a single serving of peanut butter. (Buying peanut butter in single serving packs was an act of self defense when I found that I could eat a whole jar of peanut butter one spoonful at a time in a single sitting.) The nutritional area in which our pantry and chill chests (as Alton Brown calls them) are most severely lacking is the area of (unhealthy and indulgent) snack foods! I want key lime pie, cheesecake, ice cream with hot fudge, oreo cookies, bagels and cream cheese, nachos, quesadillas, etc. I'd also like some orange juice and various cranberry juices. Those are at least good choices for one who is currently spending more time feeling a need to gotta go right now than is the norm. The more sugary and salty choices I will admit that I should veer away from. But there is much in my nature that says, "You are suffering. You deserve to indulge!" Whether or not, or to what degree, I will listen to the callings of vice and/or reason depends partly on which items I write onto the grocery list and how closely hubby follows said list! He just asked me what time the store opens (24 hours ... imagine that) so there is a fair chance that our larder will be restocked before I drag myself out of bed tomorrow morning!

I've been sitting here in my recliner much of the day watching a small slice of the day outdoors between the lacy curtain panels in our front door window. I can't see much outside ... the weather (be it sunny as it was earlier or cloudy as it is now), a few tree branches, the roof line of the church across the street, and our tattered flag, which has come loose from it's tightly rolled up state, and is flapping sometimes gently in a breeze, others wildly in the wind! We live on a major street in North Tulsa and lots of traffic finds it's way past our humble home. I can't see the cars from my seat here in the corner but I hear the tires whooshing against the pavement with a sound that makes me wonder if it's been raining. Interesting the things that you think about, wonder and write of as you sit and wait to feel better.

I always wanted our home to be one where young people gathered. To be a place filled with warmth and laughter and soda and pizza. Prayers and praises and music and all the wonderful things that come with gatherings of vibrant young lives. So as I sit here in the living room and hear rowdy music and youthful laughter on the other side of the wall I am gladdened by the life and love that has found it's way into my home. Even if that does mean an increase in the pizza budget!

Hope life is treating you and yours well today! Be blessed and be a blessing!

Beth

Checking In On Friday

I got a late start today! Woke up (alarm) about 7:00 to make sure Josiah got up for school but then I went back to bed and slept til nearly noon when hubby called to check on me. Pain has been bad today which probably accounts for part of the sleeping in. Got up and ate a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast. Josiah called from school to ask if I wanted him to bring me some pasta for lunch. Of course I did. And then we had Chinese take out for dinner.  Not exactly a day that I want recorded forever in my diet journal. Oh well ...

I spent most of the day hopping around reading blogs that I follow and leaving showers of comment luv everywhere I wandered. By the time I got back down the blogroll to where I had last read (yesterday) there were a whole bunch of new blog posts that were posted this morning waiting for my attention. Took me until almost dinner time to get caught up to where I was ready to write on my own blog. Started in on my huge list of Friday memes on Beth: A Work In Progress and then my brother's family got here for dinner so I had to put writing on pause for a bit. Enjoyed some time visiting with family and just hanging out. After they left I went back to finish writing but not feeling good is making me a little grumpy so it was hard to find funny, uplifting things to say. Wrote a couple of pretty short posts.

I'm feeling a lot tired and a little overwhelmed tonight. It's the pain and the pills and some situations going on in life in general. My life could be a country song! Oh well. I feel badly about not ... not what? .... not being perfect I guess. I want to do everything right and say everything right and never hurt anybody's feelings and ... I just need to go to sleep!

See you tomorrow!

Hershey's Better Basket Blog Hop

This Easter season, Hershey is celebrating it’s new Easter products sold exclusively at Walmart and their legacy of making a difference. Hershey’s will donate up to a total of $5,000 to the Children’s Miracle Network. For each blog that participates in the blog hop by sending virtual Easter Baskets, Hershey’s is donating $10 to the Children’s Miracle Network.

So I, Beth, do not need any real Easter Baskets this Easter. They do not as a general rule tend to be diet friendly. But this virtual basket has absolutely zero calories and is being passed around for a very good cause!

I am sending a virtual basket to:

Cheryl @ The Prairie Maid

Mari @ Mari Larkin

Adrienne @ All These Things That I've Done

HERSHEY’S BETTER BASKET BLOG HOP RULES

* Copy and paste these rules to your blog post.
* Create a blog post giving a virtual Easter Basket to another blogger – you can give as many Virtual   Baskets as you want.
* Link back to person who gave you an Easter Basket.
* Let each person you are giving a Virtual Easter Basket know you have given them a Basket.
* Leave your link at BetterBasket.info/BlogHop comment section. You can also find the official rules of this #betterbasket blog hop, and more information about Better Basket with Hershey’s there.
* Hershey’s is donating $10 per each blog participating to the Better Basket Blog Hop to Children’s Miracle Network (up to total of $5,000 by blog posts written by April 4th, 2010).
* Please note that only one blog post by each blog url will count towards the donation.

For more information about the Blog Hop, visit Hershey’s Better Basket
Learn more about The Childrens Miracle Network

Here We Go Again ... and again ... and again

Jen, over at The Mom Jen, hosts a weekly meme called A Thousand Words Thursday where the participants post a picture ... or series of pictures ... that speak a thousand words. I decided this was a good opportunity to post a couple of pictures of me (the real me ... not Eeyore) so here goes ...

This was my family in about 1992. I was far from my highest weight at this point but I was on the way up. To be honest it may be difficult to find pictures that portray my weight journey as I have generally been the photo taker in order to avoid being the subject! 

A few years later. This was probably about 2000. I must have weighed close to 400 pounds by this point. And I had been on and off more fad diets than I can list, to no avail! 

A family gathering in July of 2002 (or maybe 3) I think you can see here that a - we like each other and were happy to be together (this was at my Dad's retirement) and b - that my dad and siblings, and to a lesser degree my mom, all struggle with weight issues. Think it might be genetic?

This picture was taken in the Spring of 2004. I had started trying the Atkins (low carb diet) and was losing weight at a pretty good rate. I was excited, and disciplined, enough at this point that I even resisted cake and punch at my daughter's wedding. 

This one makes me a little sad ... summer of 2006 ... I was at the low point in my weight loss journey. I got stuck at this weight for a while (wish I was there now) and started feeding my frustration with wrong foods. Then in early 2007 I went back to work full time and was no longer able to invest 5 - 6 hours daily in the gym, started eating more fast foods and convenience foods and the weight came piling back on FAST! 

Which brings us to December 2009 (Christmas with my sister's family). That's me in the lower left hand corner of the photo. It's completely appalling to me to see these last 2 side by side. :( 

Another recent family photo taken at Silver Dollar City in December 2009. 

That's me, as defined by a handful of pictures! I have lost weight before and I will lose it again! I hope, and pray, that this time I can do the mental, spiritual, and emotional work that will enable me to KEEP it off!

I would love to see the south side of 200 again but doctors say that may not be reasonable for me. I'm fairly tall (5'9"), large frame, and have a genetic and hormonal predisposition towards obesity. So for now I am shooting for a healthy 250 and then I will see how far I can inch down from there. My very own personal biggest loser ... or winner as the case may be!

It's all good.

I wrote a longer post today on Beth: A Work In Progress and it pretty much wore me out so I'm going to ask you to hop on over there if you need your daily dose of Beth. :)

I'll also copy & paste (horrors!) the text of an e-mail I sent to family and friends assuring them that I am alive and well. See you tomorrow!

Thanks for praying! I'm not ready for jumping jacks or marathons yet but a few hours of sleep (and some happy-pills) and I'm feeling better! A bit easier to believe now that I could be ready to roll in 2 weeks or less. Pain was pretty bad when I first came to in recovery so they put some Demerol through my IV before taking it out and sending me home. Getting into the house was fairly easy. I came in and got settled in my chair but never could get really comfortable so I decided to try the bed! Bliss! (sorta) And we discovered that with some support from Bert and by rolling to the very edge of the right side I can get out without hurting my knee. As much as I love my recliner (and I do) it is a relief to know I can sleep in my bed! I just may get stuck there if Bert goes anywhere. :)

Post-It-Note Tuesday

Friends, Followers & Buttons

Okay! I just spent about an hour making sure I am following everyone who is following me. So we can all get lost together which actually sounds like it could be a great deal of fun! Hoping somebody brings chocolate! If I happened to miss you PLEASE give me a heads up! Don't want anyone feeling ignored or unloved! I also browsed quickly through each of your blogs to find and grab your buttons if you have one available. So if you browse through my button collection (which won't take long) and find that yours is missing ... holler at me and I will add it a.s.a.p.

Thanks!

Good Medicine

A cheerful disposition is good for your health; 

   gloom and doom leave you bone-tired. 

(Proverbs 17:22, The Message)

I lost track last night of how many times I woke myself up when I cried out in pain Not sure if it was the pain in my knee waking me up or the yelling. Either way it didn't add up to a restful night! Then this morning I got up and nearly collapsed between my bed and the bathroom because the pain in my knee was so bad. Hubby came in while I was trying to get dressed and asked if I would like for him to drive me to work. (Yes, please!) So I was able to take some pain medication first thing. We drove in his truck because it's a bit roomier than my S-10 so he thought it might be easier for me to get into and out of. Almost resulted in a catastrophe that was kind of funny in retrospect. Getting in and out of vehicles is difficult with my knee in it's current state but I have learned to put one leg out and then sort of brace myself against the door jamb and push backwards to stretch and get out as that allows me to bend my left knee as little as possible. (It also helps when getting in and out on the driver's side because it places weight on my torso rather than on my left leg.) Anyway ... I wasn't considering the fact that he drives a stick shift and he had put it in neutral while he got out to get my walker for me. I stuck my right leg out the door, braced my back against the door jamb, pushed hard, and ... the truck moved and hubby yelled! LOL! We both survived and I made it safely out of the truck!

Anyway ... I could choose to be really gloom and doom today! I'm in pain and I "deserve" to be a little grouchy! But I know from experience that doing so will not make me feel any better and it tends to have a negative effect on those around me! So instead I am choosing some GOOD MEDICINE! Love and laughter and a focus on the blessings rather than the trials!

Melissa just called from the doctor's office to tell me that my white cell count was a little high so they wanted to be sure I wasn't sick. I don't think I'm sick. Aside from that all systems are go (guess that means I passed the EKG) for surgery on Wednesday morning. She said they are moving me to first slot in the morning so we have to be there at 6:00 AM (yuck)! Surgery is scheduled for 7:00. At least being first means that there shouldn't be any delays. Right?

I spent most of the weekend cozied up in my recliner with my laptop on my lap cruising around the Internet trying to build up my number of followers a bit (while blessing others by following their blogs and leaving comment love here, there and everywhere). Working mostly on my other blog Beth: A Work In Progress. If you're not already following that blog please do so post haste! :) It's a more comprehensive look at my life in general whereas I try to keep this one mostly about health, diet, and fitness (or lack thereof). It's up to 23 followers now (and this one is at 12 I think) which is just 2 short of my first goal ... 25! Then I'll work on 50 ... 100 ... 250 ... to Infinity and Beyond! :)

Okay ... did something stupid. It hurts to walk right now so I tend to postpone any treks (to anywhere) as long as possible. Then I will periodically have an urgent need to get to the bathroom immediately if not sooner (that "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now" song from the incontinence ad is my theme song for life). And it takes about twice as long to walk with the walker though it is far easier on my knee. But I had to go and twice as long just wasn't an option so I hobbled down the hall as fast as I could and then back to my chair. Now my leg is aching like a son of a gun and I'm shaking like a leaf! I hope I can look back on this and laugh someday! But today is NOT that day! I have decided that I am a certified wimp!

Okay ... where was I? Counting blessings: (I'm bound to miss a bunch!)

• Life, breath, emotion, imagination - all the things that God has blessed me with that I just accept as my fair share in life and never really stop to be thankful for!
• Family, marriage, children, extended family - they aren't perfect and some times they make me cry but they are mine and they are precious
• Friends - new and old, near and far, online and in person - I'm thankful for each and every one of you
• My home - I would probably move the house if I could but it is where it is and it is much more than walls and a roof. Within those walls we are sheltered from the storms in more ways than one. Within those walls we love and laugh and cry and live and make memories every single day! 
• My dogs - they practically worship me and I am humbled by their devotion! Copper my tiny Pomeranian who will try to stand and protect me when Bert is just trying to help me out of the chair and who cleans up after me when I spill soup on the kitchen floor. And Lucy, my German Shepherd, who quivers all over with excitement when I pull into the driveway and she waits, as patiently as she can for a pat on the head and a scratch under her chin. And both of them are determined to protect me from the UPS driver and the pizza delivery guy! 
• My job - I love my job and the people I work with and I know that not everyone can say that! And it pays for my son's education too and I know what a HUGE blessing that is!
• More than adequate shelter and clothing and nourishment - I have so much and some times I am guilty of taking it for granted!
• Prayer warriors - those who have covered us with their prayers as we have faced so many crisis moments in the last few years
• Answered prayers - regardless of what Garth Brooks thinks ... I know He answers! But some times he says wait. And some times He says no!
• Hope - the ability to dream and believe that tomorrow can be better than today!

So ... what Good Medicine is in your life today? :)

Lazy Sunday

They (who are they and why do we believe them anyway?) are saying that this snow storm is going to circle around and come back and dump a few more inches on us. Hmmmm ... a little tough to believe that yesterday was the first day of spring! I'm sitting here in my recliner looking out the front window as a flag flips and twists in a viciously icy wind and I'm glad I am safe and warm inside! We had debated going to see Alice this afternoon but between the vicious cold and the potential for a slip and fall on an ice patch I think we will resist and stay in! Traffic seems to be moving pretty well out there so I'm sure the streets are okay ... at least until sunset.

I got hold of the theater yesterday and they said we could have a raincheck on our tickets since we didn't go out due to the weather. That was good news. Just not sure what other day we will manage to fit it into all our schedules at the same time!

I slept til nearly noon today and then pulled the sheets off the bed as soon as I got out of it. Just another addition to my mountain of laundry. Not looking forward to having to re-make the bed but I do love being able to crawl in between clean sweet smelling sheets at the end of a long day! I have always said that if I could ever afford household help (which isn't likely) one of their assigned chores would be putting fresh sheets on the beds every single morning! And fresh linens in the bathrooms too! (Environmentalists would hate me!)

Hubby just asked what we are eating so I guess I better take a blogging break to go switch out the laundry and put a pot of soup on. I'll try to venture back here later after I do a bit of blog browsing! :)

Beth

Saturday Report

Well ... I climbed the foothills of Laundry Mountain yesterday but didn't come anywhere near the peak! And I never even got close to stripping the sheets off my bed. Maybe tomorrow when I can have most of the day available to get them laundered and back on!

I did not have a Bacon & Bleu burger. My resistance was not based in will power or anything so impressive as that. My husband called shortly before I left work and asked if I wanted to go to lunch. So we went to Red Lobster. I ventured somewhat astray from my usual Red Lobster choices and had a choice from their Lobster Specialties menu. I don't remember what it was called but it was tilapia with a seafood stuffing and lobster sauce over the top. Sounds yummy doesn't it? It wasn't! I liked the brocolli better than the fish and while Red Lobster does do brocolli right for me to ever like a veggie better than a protein does not say good things about the protein! Anyway ... I had fish, rice pilaf, and brocolli for lunch and then we split a piece of Key Lime Pie (heaven on a plate) for dessert. Oh and I ate 2 or 3 of those evil little biscuits but who's counting! Lunch was late enough that I never really developed an appetite for dinner so that's all I ate yesterday.

This morning I had to venture out into the snow and ice (weatherman was right and I am NOT happy about it) to come to work for a few hours. Stopped at McDonalds for a couple of Egg McMuffins on my way in. Probably not the best of all possible choices but it beats cinnamon rolls or donuts!

I am really concerned about the potential for me to slip and fall on ice glazed pavement or stairs today. Goodness knows I do not need any more bumps, bruises, or twisted, torn or broken joints, ligaments or bones! So I parked in the closest possible space to my office, even though those are reserved for occupants of another building, and shuffled my way up the icy handicapped access ramp. We're hoping to close up early so I can shuffle my way back out there and inch my way home where I will probably stay in spite of the fact that I spent $40 last night online on non-refundable tickets for a 2:15 showing of Alice in Wonderland on IMAX. Grrrrr!

Guess that's about it for now. Until next time ...

New Friend Friday!

One of my very favorite things about blogging is the opportunity to widen my circle of friends to include people, near and far, whom I might never have met in my quiet little life but whom I have grown to know and love as we have shared our lives online! Come join the party! And welcome to my corner of the world! :)

Phenomenal Friday!

Time for the phenomenon know as  Friday Fragments! You can find more fun Friday Fragments and Leftovers at Half Past Kissin' Time and Sippy Cups Are Not for Starbucks.

I have decided that I have spent enough time crying in my beer (well ... I don't drink beer so I've been crying in my Coke Zero) and try to see some sunshine and flowers and rainbows in my world! May be a little difficult since they are predicting 4 - 8 inches of snow in Tulsa tomorrow but I'll give it a shot!

Was it just last week that I was "bragging" about how little diet soda I was drinking? Sigh ... not sleeping well and having to be at work (preferably awake) seemed to require more than a Green Tea capsule! My Coke Zero addiction is back! I'll work on cutting back again post surgery. As addictions go ... this is a relatively harmless one!

I'm seriously tempted to take Monday and Tuesday, or at least Tuesday, off work prior to surgery. I need to be drinking LOTS of water so that it will be easier for them to find a vein for the IV (I'm notoriously difficult). Hate drinking that much water at work even under good circumstances since the ladies room is a significant trek from my office and I must have one of the worlds tinier bladders! On days when I drink a LOT of water I can make the trip once or twice an hour all day long! If I was doing that now I would be hobbling back and forth all day long barely stopping at my desk! (I've been threatening to trade out my office guest chair for one of those bedside potty chairs. It would seriously simplify my life.) At home I could just sit on the toilet in the master bath most of the day watching the bedroom TV and drinking as much water as possible. Of course my tush would probably fall asleep but I think I could handle that!

Thinking about going to see Alice In Wonderland on IMAX this weekend if there are any seats available. My son saw it in a regular theatre this weekend and said he really wants to go back to see it on IMAX. I haven't been to a movie in forever since we usually just wait til they come out on DVD or PPV but this one I would like to see on the big screen.

Silver Dollar City (Branson, Mo) is opening this weekend and it's the first time in years that I haven't wished I could go. We have spent a lot of time (and money) at SDC in the last 10+ years, buying season tickets most years and going 4 or 5 times throughout the year. This past year we only went once (Christmas) and it had just lost a lot of it's appeal for me. I have a serious issue with crowds (inclined to panic attacks ... not pretty) and each time we have gone for the past couple of years it has been increasingly crowded. Makes me a little sad because it was one of my favorite places on earth. Guess I'll just have to find a new favorite place!

I have to work a few hours tomorrow morning (we rotate through the support staff to cover Saturday mornings and each of is scheduled about once every 8 weeks) so I get off today at 1:00. I may stop at Wendy's and get one of their new Bacon & Blue Burgers. Every time I see the ad I want one! Hope it's better than the Baconator! In spite of their ads I thought that was the worst burger ever!

After I grab my burger I need to go home and try to conquer laundry mountain! This is the first time in 50+ years of life that I have ever allowed laundry to pile up like this. I have always been the annoying sort that (pretty much daily) threw clothes in the washer, transferred them to the dryer, and then as soon as the dryer buzzed they would be folded or hung up and put away. (I do NOT iron!!! EVER!!!) I didn't understand people who somehow ended up with mountains of laundry on the couch or dining room table. I understand them now because I have joined their ranks! But I don't like it!

I think that post-surgery I am going to have to sleep in my recliner for several days. Getting into the waterbed isn't too difficult but then I might be stuck because getting back out without bending my knee, at least a little, is downright impossible! Have I mentioned before how incredibly grateful I am for the friend who blessed me with my recliner? Neither of us knew I would need it this much at the time but it has been a HUGE blessing for this season in my life!

My 20 year old son is a "geek", majoring in Computer Science, working IT support for a large oil & gas related company, etc. This is a blessing to us because when we have computer issues we just call in our personal tech support. :) He usually rolls his eyes at us but then he fixes whatever the problem is ... or finds a way around it. One time he wrote a program for me to send data from Quicken on my desktop to Quicken on my laptop every day at 6:00. Not sure how that works but it makes my book keeping easier. Anyway ... last night he was headed out to meet friends at a car show and I caught a glance of his new T-shirt. The logo on the back said "Cover Your Apps!" Pretty cute!

Just took a break from this to fill out and turn in time reports for the last 2 week period and the coming 2 week period. Kills me that I am using every minute of my available holiday and sick time for surgery and recovery. I sure hope the surgeon doesn't find something in there that makes me stay off work longer than 2 weeks!

My mom told me yesterday that she is struggling to stop using !!! multiple exclamation marks to emphasize her point in her writing. I told her that I have a similar over-use issue only mine is with dot dot dot (which has entirely different meaning if you have seen Mama Mia ... and I think about that nearly every time I ... and I still use it too much!). I suggested that we start a Punctuation Abuse Support Group. Anybody else want to join us?

I have not replaced my dysfunctional scale yet so I really have no idea as to exactly where my weight is. I can still zip my jeans up without lying down but they are not getting loose so I suspect I am probably just maintaining. For the moment I can handle that!

I sat in the den last night to watch TV so hubby could watch westerns in the living room. (I don't care for westerns and he only tolerates HGTV and Food Network in small doses. The miscellaneous wedding shows send him running from the room in horror!) My son had left a huge bag of Sour Patch Kids on the couch. I don't generally like sour candies but I pulled one out and popped it in my mouth. Next thing I knew I had eaten a pretty good number of the silly things! (I weeded out the orange ones. LOVE oranges. HATE anything orange flavored!) Hubby came in and asked if I was really eating those. I told him yes and I needed to stop. He moved the bag. :)

Really tired today so I may take a nap between loads of laundry. Except that I really need to strip the bed and wash the sheets. We have a waterbed but it is hard to find waterbed sheets locally so when I wanted flannel sheets this winter I bought regular king size sheets and mattress pad. They are not a great fit! I have them anchored at the corners but they have rolled back and after several nights of sleeping on them they are a complete mess! Oh well!

I guess I have rambled on long enough! Y'all have a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend!

Be blessed! ... and be a blessing!

Beth

Tuesday - Actually It Was Wednesday

So I have spent more time the last two days playing and tweaking and designing blogs than I have writing or following. I love to write (some times) and blogging allows me an outlet for words that I don't, or can't, find another way to express! But there is also an artistic, creative side of my personality that thrives on design. It's the part that used to find expression in scrap booking ... and may again given time and money. And now it's finding expression in playing with the design of my blogs. I hope that other people like it too. But for now it has given me several peaceful hours of creativity ... and a couple of pretty (in my opinion at least) blogs!  The software that I am using, Artisteer 2, suggests designs, font sets, colors, etc. but once I figured out how things worked I sort of ventured out on my own. I did discover through trial and error (as well as having visited a few very cluttered blog sites) that I like simple, neat and clean ... no frou frou and very little frills! I like 2 simple neat columns. 3 is too many ... starts to look cluttered. And I prefer for most of the stuff (buttons, links, etc.) to be grouped at the bottom of the page where they do not distract from the posts themselves. I love photos ... especially nature photos ... and I wanted one at the top of the page that made sense with the subject of the blog. Only sad part is that now they are "done" except for some minor tweaking and I don't want to get into re-designing them every day. Guess I'll wait and see if I still like them tomorrow. :)

Okay ... moving on ...

I have used the walker the last couple of days at work just because walking up and down the halls had become so painful. It really does help. I guess because it allows me to put less weight on my knee. In the meantime I am getting quite an upper body workout with each trek to and from the bathroom! And I'm developing some whopper callouses on the heels of my hands!

Nutritional intake (seems wrong somehow to call it a diet) has been more than a little out of kilter. We are under an unusual level of stress and at the end of the day I rarely feel inclined to fix a meal. Bert and Josiah are being very cooperative and considerate and will gladly provide take out meals on a daily basis. Not that I want fast food every day! That would be hard on the waistline and the wallet. So some days we get take out and other days I make something simple. On top of that the pain tends to make me nauseous especially in the morning so I sleep as late as possible, get ready for work as quickly as possible, and leave without making a smoothie. Then I drink a Special K protein shake for breakfast (they're actually quite good) and live on fruit and the occasional piece of cheese until I'm home again. Last night I made chicken and rice casserole. Tonight we may have rib-eye steaks (if they thawed out)!

Work is really light right now. This morning I had 2 web applications to process (vs. 40 - 50 daily at busier seasons) and then there was no mail! So even doing it slowly ... I had about 15 minutes of work to do so far today. Filling the rest of time with blogging and internet tv. (Flash Forward is my current addiction and the new season starts tomorrow. Trying to catch up in case they take season 1 off line.) Makes for a long day and the slow season is just getting started! At least it's a good time for me to be out for surgery!

I'm trying to write a positive post here but I also believe it's important to be honest so feel free to skip this paragraph if you prefer. This morning was rough. I don't sleep well anymore even when I take medication. Woke up about 5:00 coughing madly and could barely catch my breath. (Sleep apnea, allergies, don't know) The alarm went off way before I was ready. Walking around to get ready for work was excruciating. By the time I got down the stairs and out to the truck I was in tears. Bert had to drive me to work today because his truck is in the shop. All I could think was how badly I wanted to turn around and go home. But ... we headed on and I came to work. And it's not exactly all better now but I'm doing okay! I am so tired most of the time but ... it will be okay!

I'm in countdown mode ... not that I think I will jump off the operating table and be ready to run a marathon! I'm trying to remember to keep reasonable expectations. There will be a recovery period. And I was experiencing knee pain BEFORE I tore my meniscus just from the arthritis. Still I'm looking forward to getting the surgery behind me so I can take whatever will be the next step! And the surgery is next Wednesday and so ... the countdown! One week and then ... ?

Button Button Who's Got a Button

I do! I do! It may not be fancy but it works and I am quite pleased with myself for having achieved it! :)

A Brief History of Me

A few days ago I made the comment that I supposed things could be worse and one of my wonderful new friends responded that it definitely could be worse ... I could be pregnant! Made me laugh! Which was probably her goal but also made me realize that there is much of my journey that you don't know. I'm more inclined to wordiness than brevity but I will try to give you the condensed version. :)

I was born, and mostly raised, in the grand state of Maine. Yep ... way up there in Yankee land! I'm the oldest of 3. My dad changed jobs several times while I was growing up necessitating several moves. We spent at least 2 summers living in a tent (2 adults and 3 kids) and our longest distance move was to England the summer I was 12. I'm not sure of the exact count but I think we moved somewhere between 15 - 20 times between my birth and the time I went off to college. (As an adult I look back and wonder how my mom did it!) The year between 17 & 18, I spent 6 months as an exchange student in Acapulco, Mexico. I learned to speak spanish, scuba dive, and disco dance. It was the only time in my life that I was truly slender. I suspect it was a combination of a healthy diet full of fresh fruits, veggies and fish combined with an active outdoor lifestyle.

Okay ... fast forward just a bit because you don't need oodles of Beth-trivia! I spent my first semester of college concurrently enrolled (college and high school credit at the same time) at the University of Maine in Augusta. Then my dad took a job in Caribou, Maine (little dot at the very furthest northeastern point on a US map) so I moved with the family. Looked at various college options and decided on Abilene Christian University (Texas). Moved there at 19 and was majoring in Social Work. Took a job at a home for mentally retarded adults and met Bert, who was working in a similar home, at a meeting that next summer. We spent about 6 weeks discussing all the reasons we shouldn't rush into marriage (including the fact that he was divorced and had full custody of 2 children, Dirk, 3 and Erica, 2) and then ... got married! We celebrated 30 years of marriage last year! :)

K ... fast forward a bunch ... I wanted a baby so bad! Cried most every month for 10 years when once again I wasn't pregnant. Tried ovulation charts, temperature checks, standing on my head afterwards, fertility drugs, etc. (Discovered much later that I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom which makes it nearly impossible to conceive.) You can imagine my delight when God chose to bless us with a surprise, miracle pregnancy and a healthy baby boy in 1990! In the years following we have never used birth control of any sort. I have miscarried twice. Never had another baby. There was a time when that broke my heart. Today I am okay with it. A small family was part of God's perfect plan for me!

'Nother fast forward as my children grew, we chose to home educate, life moved incredibly fast, and I was blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom for 20+ years. I went to work full time at a plumbing supply company in 2007 and then moved to a private university in 2008. (One of the job benefits is free tuition for my now college aged son.)

In 2004, I weighed in at a whopping 435 and was convinced I was going to die in my sleep some night. Started a low carb diet and over the next 3 years I slowly and at great cost (I was spending 5 or 6 hours a day in the gym and sticking to a low carb diet religiously!) lost almost 200 pounds! Then life got chaotic and I went to work full time and slowly but surely the weight crept back on. I am mad. I am frustrated. I'm sick that I allowed this to happen after I fought it off! But it is what it is and I will do it again!

And then we come to a few details of life and health and finances and stresses over the last couple of years.

• summer 2007 - Bert had cataract surgery (both eyes)
• autumn 2007 - Bert was (finally) diagnosed with psioratic arthritis (meds are about $1500/month so very grateful for insurance!)
• July 2, 2008 - I had a close encounter with a phone pole which resulted in my car being totaled and myself *condemned* to life with whiplash (worse some days than others but it has been consistently painful since that day)
• Autumn 2008 - husband had repeated scary weak spells and blackouts - lots of medical tests
• October 2008 - Bert scheduled for Carotid Artery surgery
• November 2008 - Doctor called and said tests showed need for Pacemaker so that took priority.
• December 2008 - Carotid surgery done
• December 23, 2008 - Bert's PSA levels too high, might be cancer
• February 2009 - confirmation of Prostate Cancer - lots of research to make difficult decisions
• May 2009 - surgical removal of prostate (since then all his PSAs have been excellent! No indication that cancer has returned or spread outside the prostate!)
• Autumn 2009 - Bert's having weak spells again
• October 2009 - Bert had a light stroke - more tests revealed that he is one of 4% of the patients who develop scar tissue blockage following carotid surgery. Lucky him! Had to have another surgery to put in a stent.
• And February 2010 - I blew out my knee!

So ... it's been a rough couple of years (but God has seen us through)! We are in extreme financial stress just from deductibles and copays, along with a few other issues. I couldn't possibly be pregnant! (LOL) And we are all ready for some peace, quiet and good health!

BUT ... I will be having surgery on my knee next week. And one of our adult children is in a very bad situation that is keeping us on our knees!

God is still God and He is still good and all these things will work together for our good because we know Him and are called according to His purpose! But there are days when I need you to remind that this is true!

Thanks for walking with me!

Post It Note Tuesday: Stick 'Em Up!

I'm okay

Writing a quick note because there are some very sweet sisters out there who worry about me when I go missing from Blogdom for any length of time. My knee is quite painful but I am able to function so I am back at work today. Have an appointment for pre-op EKG today at 2:00 and then I'm going to get some labs drawn and go see about buying/renting a walker. Got all my FMLA paperwork filled out this morning and submitted to my supervisor and doctor so they can complete their parts and send it in to HR so I will still have a job when I get back!

Electricity flashed yesterday at the house and now my laptop will not connect to the Internet. It's probably no big deal. Josiah just hasn't told me the network names and passwords. He's due home tonight so hopefully he will be able to get me up and running again.

Bert got home from his trip yesterday evening and is glad to be home. He enjoyed visits with family and friends but the weekend had more than it's fair share of stress so he is physically and emotionally exhausted.

Exercise isn't happening and won't until I recover post-surgery. I'm okay with that. Diet isn't perfect either but I'm chugging along trying to make lemonade out of life's lemons!

We have a couple of family issues going on about which I cannot write details on a public blog but, believing that God knows all and answers the prayers of His children, we welcome any and all prayers on our behalf!

Until next time ...

I'm done assuming that it can't get worse ...

This is NOT a gripey, whiny post. At least I don't intend for it to be. In fact I kind of had to laugh this morning at the condition in which I find myself.

I generally spend my Saturday catching up on all the stuff around the house that I haven't been able to get done during the week. In fact I am, always have been, one of those people that cannot stand unfolded laundry, dishes on the counter, etc. Several years ago a friend told me that her husband thought I had the neatest, cleanest house of anyone they knew. Anytime that my home begins to be overwhelmed by clutter it is a sign that depression is getting me. Until recently most of the clutter in my house has been limited to my office (which is overwhelmed by it)! But today there are dishes on the counter, unfolded laundry on the table, a pair of jeans slung over the back of a chair, newspapers piled on the coffee table, etc. And God is teaching me to just let it go! It will be okay if my house is a mess. There are more important things! Amazing that it took me 51 years to learn that!

Anyway ... I'm not sure why but my knee seems to be getting worse. It hurts all the time now and wakes me repeatedly at night. Walking is miserable. But the end is in sight so I can handle that even if there are points in time when the pain overwhelms me. Last night I debated sleeping in my recliner since it is easier to get out of than my waterbed. But my bed is so comfortable. I was headed to bed and stopped for a last bathroom break where I realized that I had started my *monthly gift.* LOL! I think it is time for "Mother Nature" and I to part ways! So I sat on the toilet and said, "How much worse can this get?" Bad question! This morning I woke up with a miserable cold!

So ... I am sitting here in my recliner with cramps and congestion and coughs and an achy knee and a sore throat! And it's okay!

This, for whatever reason, is what God has for me right now. He has things to teach me that apparently I could only learn if He brought me to a full stop. So bring on the mess and the clutter and the pain and whatever else will make me more like Jesus! As Mercy Me said so well ... Jesus Bring the Rain!

One Is Silver, The Other Gold

Anybody else out there remember this little ditty from Girl Scout days?

Make New Friends
But Keep the Old
One is Silver
And the Other Gold!

Old friend or new ... silver or gold ... I cherish each and every one of you! So after resisting it all day I have ended the resistance and joined a brand new meme ... New Friend Friday brought to a blog near you by The Girl Creative!

TGIF!!!!!!

Literally! I don't think I could handle any more week days this week!

Hubby has headed of to Texas to visit with friends and family and go to the annual Rattlesnake Round Up in Sweetwater. The trip has not gone exactly as he hoped. First the engine blew in the vehicle he was driving and then Erica got lost while she was driving down (in his truck) to meet him. He may be glad when the weekend is over! Hopefully the lost will be found soon and he can get back to enjoying his weekend!

Spring Break starts today in Oklahoma. Well ... technically it starts tomorrow! Josiah (college age son) is leaving for Roaring River (?) State Park in Missouri after work today to go camping with a bunch of guys. Hopefully they will all have a wonderful, and SAFE, time in the wilderness!

I'm a little concerned about being home alone this weekend. My knee has been incredibly painful the past few days and I'm a little worried about having an "I've fallen and I can't get up" moment!" I usually have my cell phone, and all sorts of handy numbers, in my pocket but I sent my phone with Erica to Texas since she didn't have one so I feel sort of abandoned and cut off. I will keep a cordless phone nearby and avoid stairs so I should be fine. I trust God to not allow anything to happen to me outside His will but He's allowed us to learn a few painful lessons in the last couple of years so I'm not altogether confident that He would not allow such a thing! I know ... I'm a worrywart!

I think I am a little depressed right now. It makes it hard to make excellent nutritional choices. Yesterday I had nachos for lunch and Dominos pizza for dinner. I didn't gorge on either one so it's not like it's a huge failure! I just know that I cannot consistently eat that way and expect to lose weight! Right now though it hurts so much to stand that I just want quick and easy ... delivery is even better! I should run to a few stores today to buy a few healthier food choice staples but I doubt that I'll do it. It hurts to walk so I tend to do only what I absolutely have to! I already have to walk up and down the halls (bathroom), to and from parking lots, go get allergy shots at noon, etc. And I want to go straight home after work so I can maybe see Josiah for a minute before he heads out.

That's it for now I guess. The bathroom is calling to me from down the hall and I better answer while there is sufficient time to get there!

Be blessed!
Beth

Find more Friday Fragment's at Half Past Kissing Time

Ortho Appointment

I went to see Dr. Jabbour (Orthopedic Surgeon) this morning and he said that I do need arthroscopic (sp) surgery to "clean up" my left knee. Surgery is scheduled for March 24. Anticipated recovery time is one to two weeks. Could be longer if he finds more arthritis in the knee than the MRI indicates. I like him and am comfortable with the idea of this surgery. Wish we could do it tomorrow! In the meantime ... between now and then I need to have an EKG and some lab work and find a walker for use after surgery.

Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me

Okay who else (besides my mother) knows the next line or 2? Give up? Okay ...

Gloom, despair and agony on me

Deep dark depression 

Excessive misery

If it weren't for bad luck

I'd have no luck at all

Gloom, despair and agony on me

I, personally, wasn't much of a Hee Haw fan. Not entirely sure if my parents were either. I kind of suspect that HeeHaw was one of my grandmother's viewing choices. Anyway, this little ditty was sung by the HeeHaw cast en masse, or by Buck Owens and Roy Rogers, with a major country twang. As soon as the verse was finished some person, or group of people, would pop up from behind a hay bale and tell some far fetched, funny, story relating their personal gloom, despair and bad luck.

All of that to say ... I'm not sure exactly why but even 40+ years later ... that song plays in my head every single time I am tempted to whine!

Don't get me wrong ... I have had plenty of bad stuff happen, especially in the last couple of years, and if I want to sit down and mourn my pitiful state most of my friends and family would either tolerate my pity party or sit right down and join me!

But the fact remains that I don't believe in luck ... of the good or the bad variety! I believe that God is in control and has a plan even in the midst of disaster. I have spent a fair amount of time lately telling Him that I don't understand why He has chosen to allow certain things to happen. (And mine are minor, in a big way, compared to earthquakes and tsunamis and genocide and child abuse and ...) When I can choose to remember the facts as they truly are the fact is that I live a very blessed life. And He doesn't owe me any explanations! Some things have been allowed as a result of my own choices. Others will make no human sense this side of Heaven. That's the way it is and whining isn't going to change it.

I hurt (BADLY) today and I don't like it and there is part of me that wants to throw a major pity party. But then that silly song plays in my head and I remember to look for the brighter side, to find a way to smile, or even to laugh. And to remember that none of this will last forever.

So go for it ... make me laugh! I dare you! :)

Ever think about ...

... how your knees work? Or rather how they're supposed to work? I just walked down the hall and back and I can feel the rocking motion of bone against bone with each step. No, it isn't a good feeling. I am trying really hard to believe that the Orthopedic Surgeon is going to be able to "fix it." But there is a part of me that is afraid that this will fall one more victim to the "if you would just lose weight" excuse! Yeah, I need to lose weight! Lots and lots of it! But I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle!

• I am genetically pre-disposed towards obesity.
• I have a lifetime of poor eating habits.
• My ability to exercise is severely limited by whiplash, arthritis, and now a torn meniscus (and yes, I think 3 or 4 times a day about the potential for damaging my right knee).
• I have had at least 5 steroid injections (plus an oral steroid) in the last 6 months
• I have BOTH insulin resistance AND hypothyroidism, each of which makes weight loss very difficult
• I take several prescription medications which have a side effect of weight gain
• etc.

I'm not despairing ... just frustrated and worried. And maybe everything will be okay. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. In the meantime I'm tired of being in pain and some times it is difficult to see the UP side to all of this.

Post-It-Note Tuesday! STICK 'EM UP!