Was it something I said?

I was so excited on Friday after joining Friday Fragments added a couple of new followers to my blog. This morning one of them had already dropped away. I understand that it is a busy world and when it comes to blog following you have to pick and choose because following everything can be overwhelming ... or downright impossible! So I'm not really shocked that somebody out there chose to drop me but I confess to being a little disappointed. Oh well ... building a following takes time and I'm not going anywhere so I won't "get my knickers in a knot" wondering why somebody found my story worthy of listening to on Friday and changed their minds on Sunday.

My knee is still complaining about yesterday's overuse so when Bert came and asked if I was getting up for church this morning I said "no." One of these days lightning is going to strike me! LOL! Anyway ... I rolled over and went back to sleep until Joe called about 10:30 to ask if we were not coming to church. I told him that we weren't because I couldn't face walking that much but he should call and let me know if everyone was going to lunch. He called about 1:00 and said they were going to Los Cabos (excellent Mexican food) so we decided to go meet them. I had swordfish with lime butter, a sweet corn cake topped with guacamole and pico de gallo, spanish rice and way too much chips and salsa. Major yumminess! I did have a moment's concern about spending $18.99 on my entree when the Cabo Wabo Platter (serves 2 ... or more depending on their hunger level ... with enchiladas, tacos, chile relleno, tamales, rice and beans ... oh and sour cream and guacamole!) is only $19.99 but I decided that I was going to be happier with the results of my choices if I ate the fish! I was right! And it was delicious to boot! Although if I was craving fish my first impulse would not be to go to a Mexican restaurant.

No more ice cream has made it's way out of the freezer and into my waiting mouth and digestive system. Before you give me too much credit for strength of character and resolution ... let me admit the reality! Ice cream has become for me a "sneak food." You know ... one of the foods that you eat only when no one is looking! Yeah that! I have been convicted that there is something wrong with the character of a 51 year old woman who still sneaks certain foods. Or at least that the foods that compel me to eat them in secret are probably not good food choices! This is not a new issue for me ...

The earliest episodes of food sneaking that I recall (although the issue may go further back than this) are from my mid-teens when we lived in Vassalboro. I vividly recall that the people who lived in the house before us had left some vanilla shake mix in the pantry. I don't know why my mom didn't simply throw it away but she left it in the pantry and told us that it wasn't ours so we should stay out of it. It seems that it called to me for weeks, maybe months, before the day came when I was home alone and resistance became futile. Surely she hadn't counted the individual packets of shake mix so she wouldn't miss one. Or two. Or three. I think I eventually did away with all the packets but I don't remember ever getting called on it!

And then there was the rebellion against parental perogative! Ice cream was a rare treat and the 3 of us kids were seldom content with the one serving we received. Especially when Dad went back for seconds and responded to our cries of "Unfair" with the claim of "parental perogative!" I'm not sure what we were supposed to learn from that? Adults get to enjoy sweet treats more than adolescents? Whatever ... it led to occasional sneaking of a spoonful or more of creamy goodness from the freezer.

And straightening the cut line in the cake/brownie pan? Anybody else do that? I would be cleaning up the kitchen, having already enjoyed my allowed portion of dessert, and would cut off another tiny piece ... then take a little more just to even up the cut lines so no one would notice that I had been sneaking food.

Then I eventually got to adulthood and the stage at which I was purchasing my own foods but some times I wanted things that were not in the budget ... be it financial or dietary ... and I would buy foods, drive through or sweets in particular, that I could enjoy in the privacy of my vehicle and no one would know. The tell tale bags and wrappers would wind up crammed under my seat or thrown in a convenient gas station trash can. and the unacknowledged calories wound up on my hips and thighs, etc!

This is not a healthy habit! Not healthy for me physically, emotionally, relationship-wise, etc. But it is not going to be an easy one to quit! It's too deeply entrenched in who I am! And I know I'm not alone!

Let me state, again, that I do not blame my parents for the condition in which I find myself. I am just facing some of the habits that I have developed which I need to confront and eliminate. And some of those habits go back to childhood! My parents were not drinkers and neither are any of their children. They are Christians and all of their children have made similar life, moral and spiritual choices. They are Republicans and so are each of their offspring.  My dad, moreso than my mom (although she too struggles with her weight), has an unhealthy relationship with food and resultant morbid obesity ... and so do all 3 of his offspring. Some of that is genetics. My father's siblings battled the same things as did his mother and possibly her mother before her! But some of it is learned behavior and for me it is time to say "I learned this here but that doesn't make it okay for me and I need to face it and choose to unlearn the automatic habits and make those things a matter of consideration and choice!"

I guess that's enough ruminating for a lazy Sunday afternoon! Until next time ...